Meet the Apostles. I thought everyone knew that., I replied, They dont all have parents like you do. As with every gospel principle, the foundation needs to be laid in their childhood and then built upon in their youth with more information about the faith and sacrifices practicing plural marriage necessitated among the Saints, as well as the reasons for ending the practice. Therefore, leadership at different levels could decide what and where to teach its members, as well as who might be the most knowledgeable and able to teach such sensitive matters.66. not true. You can post now and register later. In this collection, a variety of mental health professionals and others present their Latter-day Saint perspectives on divorce and related issues. The ultimate purpose of all we teach is to unite parents and children in faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, that they are happy at home, sealed in an eternal marriage.1 In spite of this inspired teaching from President BoydK. Packer, President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, divorces take place. A number of years later I was organizing a visit of some dignitaries to Salt Lake City. Elder Oaks's mother worked hard for her family and cultivated that same work ethic in her children. The Polygamy Porter T-shirts are our best seller, the owner explained. These included the lying about plural marriage, the apparent polyandrous marriages of [Page 61]Joseph Smith, the teenage wives of Joseph Smith, and the idea that plural marriage will be practiced in the celestial kingdom. What is your personal anchor belief? If my daughters friend had been taught from her childhood, she would not have been blown away. At the time of the survey, 30% of the respondents had unfavorable to very unfavorable feelings regarding plural marriage. 18. They likely dont know what to do or say. 29. [Page 49]Another accusation of more recent date, perhaps even more insidious than the previous, charges the Mormons of pedophilia because of marriages with teenage brides.10 This [Page 50]slur has been aimed particularly against Joseph Smith in order to attack his claim to be a prophet of God. Death, war, financial insecurity, divorce, Church inactivity, there are many circumstances that can shake a family to its core and try each family member's testimony. . A new take on the parable of the lost sheep may change how you see yourself in the church, How a perfect cherry cheese pie led to food-world fame, 6 temple dresses + accessories Latter-day Saint women will love, Other: 18% (This included: Anger, Apostasy, Sexual Abuse, Health [sick/disabled partner or child], Criminal Activity, In-Law Interference, and Homosexuality. Counsel with your quorum president, bishop, or stake president and consider professional counseling, such as with LDS Family Services, if available. Elder Cook and his brother deeply respected their father and decided to talk about their father's advice. This essay looks at examples of members expression of discomfort over a polygamous heritage and concludes with suggestions of possible pathways to a more comfortable reconciliation. We as friends, neighbors, ward members, [ministerers], family, etc., should show Christs love. Almost any discussion of the subject seems to be discouraged through a lack of mention in the manuals and public presentations. At the time, Hudson suggested some Mormon men had celestial lust. She compared these men to the young Muslim suicide bombers who killed themselves and others expecting to be rewarded with 72 virgins in the hereafter. . For that matter, it may not even be as important to Saints residing in the eastern parts of Canada and the United States as it is to those residing in the western United States. Hamani Stevens of the University of Oregon football team recounted how the usual misconception [Page 53]about Mormonism is that we all believe in polygamy.19 That mistaken perception is compounded and exploited by merchandizers like Wasatch Brewery in Park City that sells Polygamy Porter, a beer whose advertisement invokes a polygamy theme, asking Why have just one? Along with the beer, they sell polygamy-themed merchandise. Most recently, Rebecca Wall Jeffs Musser, a former plural wife of Rulon Jeffs, with the assistance of award-winning author M. Bridget Cook Burch, published The Witness Wore Red: The 19th Wife Who Brought Polygamous Cult Leaders to Justice.14 This is a fascinating account of her life within and eventual escape from the FLDS, a branch of the fundamentalist movement. Elder Scott's father, who was not a member at the time, was particularly fond of his 2-year-old grandson and was heartbroken at his passing. I wanted them to be strong in the gospel., Church helped me focus on the positive parts in life instead of what the negatives were., During my separation, I clung to the Church more than I ever had before.. Rebecca Musser and M. Bridget Cook, The Witness Wore Red: The 19th Wife Who Brought Polygamous Cult Leaders to Justice (New York: Grand Central Publishing, 2013). There is much to appreciate about the honesty and vulnerability of the responses that were shared. These are truly touching and delicate experiences that members of the Church endured as they divorced. You'll also like: How to Talk to Children About Temple Covenants After a Divorce For more on this topic, check outFinding Wholeness and Happiness after Divorce. Thirty-five percent of the sample (includes all religious affiliations) who had originally married civilly were either currently divorced or remarried. Men are less inclined to share their feelings, so they can be less likely to learn from their experience. Though faced with overwhelming hardships and challenges, these general authorities gained a stronger testimony of the Savior and the importance of families while overcoming incredibly trying family situations. . There is much to appreciate about the honesty and vulnerability of the responses that were shared. Interpretation 2 seems to be the strongest, primarily because Scripture allows for divorce in exceptional circumstances (Matthew 19:9; 1 Corinthians 7:1216). One faithful Latter-day Saint wrote of his in-laws learning of Joseph Smiths polyandry, My [Page 63]mother-in-laws eyes bulged out.44 One woman who found out about Smiths polyandrous marriages, combined with other issues regarding Joseph Smith and Mormonism, declared she was done, done and DONE!! In all my life I've never known of a Bishop who had been divorced. A whole lesson about Doctrine and Covenants 132 and not one mention of plural marriage? The historical record, however, clearly demonstrates that Church leaders intended at least a few plural marriages to continue without the Churchs public sanction and encouragement.2 This contributed to the difficulties of the next few decades. The survey was not random, as people were contacted by e-mail and on Facebook and asked to participate and to spread the word among their LDS family and friends. Do they still classify unmarried men over the age of 25 as "menaces to society"? Stephen C. Taysom, A Uniform and Common Recollection: Joseph Smiths Legacy, Polygamy, and the Creation of Mormon Public Memory, 1852 2002, Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought 35/3 (Fall 2002): 136. One survey respondent wrote, Inadvertently finding out the truth about polygamy/polyandry absolutely devastated me.42 Another complained about Joseph Smith shacking up with women for years and then wrote, I am glad I discovered the truth about dirty Joes polyandry. I am much happier as a saved Christian outside the vile, lying Mormon cult.43, Discovery of Joseph Smiths polyandrous marriages can be a traumatic experience. This non-Mormon perception of Latter-day Saints is more prevalent than many members of the Church realize. . As you read through these results, pay attention to your own inner voice and emotional responses. [Page 67]Their sacrifice, etc., involving the practice was in vain and for a false principle??? The Church, of course, has no jurisdiction whatever in this matter.26, LDS Apostle M. Russell Ballard stated in a Semiannual General Conference session, Let me state clearly that no polygamist group, including those calling themselves Fundamentalist Mormons or other derivatives of our name, have any affiliation whatsoever with The Church of Jesus Christ [Page 56]of Latter-day Saints.27 LDS Apostle Jeffrey R. Holland was even more outspoken in referencing the fundamentalists, We havent practiced polygamy for over a centuryand its a little frustrating to have these fundamentalist groups resurface.28, Discomfort about the Churchs polygamous past is particularly noticeable in Church-produced literature and at Church-owned historical sites. For the very first time, I am seeing outright no in response to will there be celestial polygamy. WebFor Latter-day Saint children of divorce, questions like this can add to the sadness and uncertainty that divorce brings. Throughout his life, Elder Oaks admired his mother's fortitude and ability to raise her children in the gospel. Indeed, in the minds of [Page 75]many people, 19th-century Mormon polygamy defines western polygamy.69 Accepting that the twain are inseparable does not mean the Church must acquiesce to the negative stereotyping used by its critics. I don't know if divorced men can be branch presidents though. In like manner, we hide or diminish those things that embarrass us. One of those things is Joseph Smiths practice of polygamy because it seems that his polygamy is only in the picture when were called upon to defend him.23 Such an approach is not confined solely to individuals. All but one of the contributing authors can speak from personal experience about divorce. These are truly touching and delicate experiences that members of the Church endured as they divorced. You'll also like: How to Talk to Children About Temple Covenants After a Divorce. By To find out more about how Latter-day Saints experience divorce, I surveyed more than 1,000 active members who have been divorced or are currently going through the process. "It is intended that this requirement will help to re-emphasize the significance and sacredness of the temple marriage covenants. Beyond an overall dislike for plural marriage expressed by those who had negative views, there were several factors that seemed to particularly distress them. This shaken feeling can leave a divorced man uncomfortable with Church attendance, especially if he believes that others are assuming he has been unfaithful to his wife. "When she tried to find the train, the train was gone with her four children in there.". What handbook are you referring to? Scott D. Pierce, More Often Than Not, Big Love Gets it Right, The Salt Lake Tribune, December 28, 2010, accessed April 10, 2014, http://archive.sltrib.com/article.php?id=12564307&itype=storyID. According to the newspaper article, the Lawrence Research poll found that 15% said Mormons definitely practice polygamy while another 31% said Mormons probably practice polygamy: a total of 46%. 7. If only married WebThis is a list of well-known Mormon dissidents or other members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church) who have either been excommunicated or As they grew up, we would point to pictures of ancestors on the wall and explain how they came from his fifth wife or that the lady in the photograph was the plural wife of the man in [Page 70]the photo hanging next to hers. (Respondents could select more than one answer.). Don't let discomfort prevent you from providing support that may be needed. Not surprisingly, many members have believed these unfortunate and mostly false accusations and stereotyping, in no small part because some historians have repeated and embraced them uncritically.8, Joseph Smiths involvement in so-called polyandrous marriages added to the image of him as a man with unbridled lust. . As a youth, Elder Scott would attend Church occasionally with friends or with the encouragement of home teachers and bishops. It says: "Effective immediately, a man who has been previously sealed and later divorced, who desires to be married and sealed in the temple must first obtain a clearance from the First Presi-den-cy. However, Elder Oaks says, through "the blessings of the Lord, she did recover and she was stronger than ever"(Elder Dallin H. Oaks, "LDS Leaders and Mental Illness," Mormon Channel). How can I worry less about it? Even some of those who became aware of plural marriage at a young age approach the subject through a 21st-century prism that warps their understanding. And, later, the priesthood/Relief Society lesson about Doctrine and Covenants section 132 discussed celestial marriage but did not mention plural marriage. I did know one who was released when he and his wife were separated. As for the OP. They need the healing power and hope that come from the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Elder DallinH. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, Divorce, Ensign, May 2007, 71. A few reasons suggest themselves: first, while 19th-century polygamy happened, it is, after all, in the past. Jeffs, in a way, is practicing what Joseph practiced. To help us understand what its like to be divorced in such a family-oriented church, I conducted a survey of 1,062 Latter-day Saints who have experienced divorce. 55. Michael Brissenden, The Mormon Moment, ABC.net, October 18, 2011, accessed October 19, 2011, http://www.abc.net.au/foreign/content/2011/s3342583.htm. However, unless there is potential for abuse or other harmful interaction, children do best when they maintain relationships with both parents. More No they can't. What applepansy said. . Her expression approximated that of a deer in the headlights, and she replied, Well, his wife., I finally realized that she did not want to discuss Brighams plural wives, especially if I was accompanied by non-members, so I dropped the subject.30, This experience is likely not an anomaly. Plural marriage continued to be practiced in the open until the anti-polygamy persecution of the 1880s and the issuance of the Manifesto in 1890. As already noted, Joseph Smith entered into plural marriage before the Nauvoo period. Of those who were aware, thirty percent had learned from a family member while almost ten percent learned from sources critical of the Church.39. Let's try this: the First Presidency must approve of all people who are called as Bishop. Gordon B. Hinckley, What Are People Asking About Us? Ensign (November 1998): 70. For more information showing Josephs Smiths marriages to teenage wives were not out of the cultural and social norm of his time, see Joseph Smith/Polygamy/Marriages to Young Women, FairMormon Answers, accessed February 22, 2014, http://en.fairmormon.org/Joseph_Smith/Polygamy/Marriages_to_young_women. The shows first season was set in Utah Valley until the Utah County police began to investigate the family. In fact, Elder Bednar said in his April 2012 general conference talk that some members in his ward did not know his father was not a member because he regularly attending Church meetings with his family and helped with various Church activities. Later, Elder Cook would be called to serve as a counselor to his brother Joe, who was serving as the stake president at the time. No they can't. Its in the handbook. I don't know if divorced men can be branch presidents though.applepansy I will join the Church when I know it is the right thing to do'" (Elder David A. Bednar, "The Powers of Heaven," lds.org). Yet when he observed Elder Scott and his wife, he noticed they seemed to have a sense of peace that he did not. With the comforting doctrine that we can be sealed to our loved ones for eternity, divorce is a conclusion drawn with heavy hearts. They call it The Principle. However, it is obvious more needs to be done to answer the questions and concerns of members of all ages. What can Latter-day Saints do to be more supportive of divorced members? MYTH: God forbids all divorce, and divorce is the unpardonable sin. This is true even if your parents temple sealing to each other is canceled. Dont judge; be supportive., [Give me] spiritual support. Now, in a world-wide Church such as the LDS Church, not all members will have the same need for or interest in information about the Churchs polygamous past. To help provide for her family, Elder Oaks's mother went to New York to continue her education while Elder Oaks and his siblings stayed with their grandparents. When he was 12 years old, the missionaries began visiting Elder Baxter and his family, bringing a sense of goodness and peace into their home. Divorce was more prevalent in the early Church. . There [Page 45]Abstract: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saintss uncomfortable relationship with its polygamous history is somewhat like an awkward marriage separation. Most couples tried going to counseling to support orsave their marriage, but perhaps not to the degree we would expect: Note: The definition of what qualified as counseling support is unique for those surveyed and, in the course of the survey, seemed to be open to interpretation. I felt like I was contagious, and I think that they thought I was!, Church is a family-orientated organization, and when your family splits, it is difficult to find your place., A simple smile or hello . Josh Lockhart is a husband, father of two, and a Canadian Certified Counsellor based out of Kimberley, BC, Canada. But for me, the most important revelation in this long ignored manuscript has to do with a foiled plot on Jesus and Mary the Magdalene's lives, about 13 years before the crucifixion. While some periods of separation are longer and uglier than others, a finality is almost always achieved. Whether or not the particular suggestions in this essay are adopted, the goal of leaders and defenders of the Church should be to aim for a more knowledgeable membership who thereby exhibit less discomfort and embarrassment about the Churchs past relationship to plural marriage. [Page 71]. Elder David S. Baxter, a general authority of the Seventy, found the gospel at a critical time in his life. 40. He works as a Mental Health Clinician for Ktunaxa/Kinbasket Child & Family Services, and as needed for LDS Family Services in the East Kootenay's. When children spend most of their time with their mother, it is easy for the father to feel like he has become a visitor to his own children.
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